I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
