you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
