Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
