Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
