Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
