So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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