I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
