I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
