he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
