sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
