I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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