i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
