He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
