There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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