Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
