u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
