the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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