Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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