I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
