A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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