this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
