I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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