he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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