Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
