Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
this will be a night to untag.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
