when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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