Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
