She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
