if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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