Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
