if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
