Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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