I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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