So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
