Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
