He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
