Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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