So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
