we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
