Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
