I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
