I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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