I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
