I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
