I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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