i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
