how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
