fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
