i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
