Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
