Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have aggressive nipples.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
